How not to take things personally

How many times do we take things personally and get upset about what – in the large scheme of things – we could call insignificant? If you asked me, I’d say too many times!

As usual, self-reflection triggered a desire to find out more and to understand what’s going on behind this behaviour, so I looked into it and this is what I found out.

So, let’s say you have planned something for a long time but then last minute the other party changes their mind and says they won’t come (not that we can meet anyone at the moment but bear with me…), chances are you might take it personally, thinking something on the lines of ‘I’m not important enough for them, they have a better option’.

Another example that might resonate with many of us is criticism at work – again, you might think ‘I have tried my best but this is still not enough for them’. If you think about it, whichever the scenario, it’s your ego talking. We feel bruised because, well, egos like to be stroked.

So what can we do to avoid taking things personally? If I had to summarise it in two bullet points, I’d say:

• ‘It’s not me, it’s you’. What I mean by this is to put things into perspective (I have written about this topic before) as often the other party comes from a different point of view. If we give everyone the benefit of the doubt and trust they genuinely come from a place of trying their best, too, then it is just a matter of points of view and we need to try and see their perspective, because in the end, it doesn’t really matter who is right if we end up being miserable.

• ‘It is most definitely about me’. When we are being criticised and it badly hurts, more often than not, it does because we tend to agree (at least at some level) with the criticism we received. Whilst self-doubt might be triggered by a deeper fear, if we use the opportunity to self-reflect and give ourselves empathy in the process, we are most definitely going to come out of the process a better person.

In the end, especially when others are involved, communication is key and opening up by telling them the way we feel about what happened can only help the situation, in my view.

I have written about ‘the words of others’ before if you want to read more about this topic.

I personally find these techniques useful when I realise I have taken something personally, so give it a try next time you feel you have, too.

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash